Why am I writing this?

Imagine living with crippling, unrelenting fear day in and day out year after year through the trying years of adolescence and continuing on into adulthood. Would this be the day that your shameful secret would be revealed to friends, relatives and coworkers resulting in your total humiliation and rejection? Would your friends abandon you? Imagine the gossip and the turned heads "Yes he is one of them..." So, to stay off the unimaginable, unthinkable exposure of the truth, you bury your secret in layers of cleverly articulated lies, rationalizations and excuses until even you begin to believe them.

Such are the fabrications of the mind and what a price you pay. The fear and guilt eats away at your being taking away the very will to live. At some point one must ask is it all worth it, to live such a miserable fabricated existence? Or is it better to face ones fears and banish them as rays of dawn expel the darkness?

I am about to find out. I have decided to expose my most private and intimate feelings with respect to my sexual orientation. What triggered this decission was the gay bashing that went on at a party that I recently attended. People I cared about were quite thoughtlessly making disparaging remarks about gays and it hurt me deeply. I hope that maybe hetrosexuals will be more understanding of homosexualty as a result of what I have written. Or perhaps, what I have to say may help others that struggle with whatever fears they may have or maybe others trying to come to terms with their own sexual orientation may take heart in knowing that they are not alone. I chose this mode of exposure as it gives the reader a choice as to whether to proceed or not. For my friends, it also allows them to pretend that they don't know, making any pain resulting from this revelation easier to bare for all of us.

Please read with a compassionate and sympathetic ear my story

Jesus said, "When you disrobe without being ashamed and take up your garments and place them under your feet like little children and tread on them, then will you see the son of the living one, and you will not be afraid."
The Gosple of Thomas